Aphrodite & Hephaistos : the true reason
by Aurora Spirit
Summary: It's in the ladies room you get to hear truths never revealed anywhere else. Like why the beautyful and sexy goddess of love fell for the homely god of the blacksmiths.


Aphrodite & Hephaistos - the true reason

_Over the millennia a lot of people have been looking for the truth about Aphrodite & Hephaistos, why the beautyful and sexy goddess of love fell for the homely god of the blacksmiths. But apparently they didn't look for that answer in the right places, or asked the right questions. It's in the ladies room you get to hear truths never revealed anywhere else._

_It's the spring equinox, and Persephone has just returned from Hades, and naturally she wants to catch up on all the gossip. So she has a chat with two of her sisters in the Olympic ladies room. _

(Athena) Uh-uh! Eos was here!  
(Artemis) Now what?  
(Athena) Pink fingerprints all over the sink.  
(Artemis) Oh, she always makes a mess! Ath, can I have some of that Egypt kohl you've got?  
(Athena) Sure! Help yourself, it's in my purse.  
(Persephone) Now I can hardly wait to hear what's been going on. The muses are talking about Apollon and Koronis, now is this serious?   
(Artemis) Oh, perhaps. As serious at it can get with Apollon.  
(Persephone) That's true. At least she didn't turn into a tree, right?   
(Athena) Right.  
(Artemis) But that's far from the talk of the town right now.   
(Persephone) Then what is?   
(Artemis) Pepe, you're simply gonna faint when you hear this - oh I hate my hair, especially on damp days like this. Gets all frizzy.  
(Athena) At least it doesn't get static like mine.  
(Artemis) That's because of the helmet. Rubs at it all the time.  
(Persephone) Oh, come on, I don't wanna hear about your hairs, tell me instead what's the "talk of the town".  
(Artemis) That's because your hair is always perfect.   
(Persephone) No way! Why do you think I wear all these gems and stuff all the time?   
(Athena) Because your dude gave them to you.   
(Persephone) Yeah, because he don't like it when I do flowers. He sneezes. Allergic you know. My hair is boring, that's why I'm decorating it.   
(Athena) It's not boring, I like straight hair.  
(Persephone) Now tell me!  
(Artemis) Well, all right. But Pepe! Brace yourself!   
(Persephone) Oh, this sounds like **big**!   
(Athena) It sure is. If you're thinking of what I do, Mimi?  
(Artemis) Could it be something else than **that**?  
(Persephone) Come **on**!  
(Artemis) It's about Aphrodite.   
(Persephone) Sigh! Aphrodite! Whoever it is, it sure won't make any headlines. Not when it's about Aphrie.   
(Athena) This will! Mimi, not so much kohl, you look like one of Aphrie's temple girls now. And you're supposed to be a Virgin Goddess, you know.  
(Artemis) Ah - perhaps I overdid it. Pepe, while you have been down under scratching behind all those ears of that doggie Aphrie has been seeing Hephaistos.   
(Persephone) What!   
(Artemis) You've heard me.   
(Athena) And she's not only dating him. Apparently it's getting over the top serious here! Mimi, have some oil, it's easier to take off excess kohl with it.  
(Persephone) She's dating - our geek brother?   
(Athena) She sure is.   
(Persephone) And dumping Ares?   
(Athena) Affirmative.  
(Persephone) Come on! You're pulling my leg!   
(Artemis) Nope.   
(Persephone) Then you're pulling both my legs!  
(Athena) No, we're deeply purely absolutely honest. Sincerely honest! Swearing on Styx. Both of us, aren't we, Mimi?   
(Artemis) We sure are! Swearing on Styx. Both of us.  
(Persephone) Hephaistos! But why?  
(Artemis) Who can tell. Perhaps he's good at - these things I don't give a crap about.  
(Persephone) But... Hephaistos! Like why? I mean, dumping Ares. For Hephaistos! It's like... Did she hit her head or something?   
(Athena) That wouldn't be a too big difference.  
(Artemis) (Giggles)  
(Persephone) You're mean! Aphrie has her qualities too.  
(Athena) But not **directly** **beneath** these blond curls.   
(Artemis) (Giggles even more)   
(Persephone) But if possible... Wait! I sense her aura.

The three sisters quieten in an instance while the door to the ladies room opens. Enters Aphrodite.

(Aphrodite) Now what? You've lost your tongue, girlies?   
(Artemis) Well...   
(Athena) It's just that we've been...   
(Persephone) Mimi used too much kohl.   
(Aphrodite) Come on, do you think I'm stupid?   
(Artemis & Athena) (Very muted giggle)   
(Aphrodite) I can tell that it's me you've been talking about. Now what?   
(Persephone) Nothing.  
(Aphrodite) Nothing my butt!  
(Artemis) Well that bodypart is just the very opposite of nothing.   
(Aphrodite) Shut up, your frigid forest witch! By the way you look like a street hooker. Giving up on that virgin thing, old duck?   
(Artemis) I'll kill you, your little pea-brained slut!  
(Aphrodite) With what? That powder-brush?   
(Artemis) You just wait, bimbo!

Next thing Athena and Persephone have to separate Aphrodite and Artemis.

(Persephone) Come on now, it's not as terrible as it sounds. A'n'A were just telling me that you've been bunking up with the gee... with Hephaistos.  
(Aphrodite) I sure have.  
(Persephone) But why? I mean, I don't have the most attractive man in the world, but at least he's intriguing. Even after all these years. Always something hidden in those coal eyes.  
(Artemis) Exactly. Hades is spooky but Heph is just plain ugly. What do you really see in him? What does he have that Ares hasn't?   
(Athena) Brains. But since when...

(Aphrodite) Let me explain this. What I see in him you ask, Artemis. Why not asking the question the other way around?   
(Artemis) Uh-hu?   
(Aphrodite) What he sees in me! Well, girls, he sees me! He see a woman, a goddess - a person! Not just an item to be owned. Not just someone to pose with, to boast his ego with. Like Ares. He never saw me, he never cared about how I felt, he never asked me about my feelings, my wishing and my desires. He never asked what I wanted, what I thought in matters. Or what I liked to do in bed for that matters. Only thing he cares about is his stinking wars and his arms and battles and heroes and the likes. He cares more for the welfare of his horse for Faith's sake! I was just there as a status gadget.

And so were all the others. None of them any different. They wanted to be seen with Aphrodite, wanted to show the world that they were the one kissing her. But what I wanted was completely uninteresting to them.

Hephaistos on the other hand sees **me**! He cares about **me**! He asked what I wanted for breakfast after our first night together. None of the other ones ever did. I just had to take what they had. Hephaistos wants Aphrodite the woman, not Aphrodite the show-off piece. Hephaistos has never been the bragging kind, he has always been the ugly kid on the block, the nerd. The bullied one. It has never even been on his mind to take a girl to show her off, but because he loves her. That's why I'm with him. Because I finally feel appreciated. Get it?

(Persephone, Athena, Artemis) Suppose so.


End file.
